INCONCEIVABLY BLONDE....

This was written back in 1994, the very first time I truly dealt with death of a close loved one--my gran was everything to me at the time--not only was I her and my great grandma's namesake; but she had a way of making me feel like I was the most special thing on the planet.  She had a tradition of making afghans for each of her children, their wives, then her grandchildren, and then great-grandchildren.  She had made me mine the year before.  I went to see her two weeks before she died, and we had planned on my coming up again in a couple of months so she could finally teach me how to crochet so I could begin making afghans for my very own family someday.  Sadly, that never happened. Her death totally crushed me at the time--that was the very first time in my life that I couldn't stop crying...it wouldn't be the last, but at the time I thought it so strange and very intense....Ever since, I have had a very powerful spiritual connection with her, for which I'm prof...

Dedicated to Alana Deringer Segall, friend of my heart and soul, a great hero and mentor and tremendous example who returned to Heaven Friday, June 12, 2015....I love you now and forever.... People act like death is war-- a personal vendetta. And, while I suppose it can be, I disagree. To me, life is much more a mountain to climb, conquer, figure out, wrestle,  and struggle with... battle against, if you will... until that gradual surrender. Death is peace, the reprieve, the calm after the storm that is life.... the pause, the space, the catching of breath...  letting go-- finally-- to be able to  spiritually breathe, see, and feel.... Reality of what's true and honest , when it all comes down to the wire, is so very different than what we like to think. Drink it all in. Slowly. Sipping. Savoring. Line upon line. Here a little, there a little. Though we somehow tend to linger in the middle, meander, muck around and ar...

These lines are observations/reflections of my mom from the perspective of me, an involved bystander, broken-hearted....It's one thing to have to come to terms with a disease that's beating your body, from the inside out, killing you....Then, on top of that, at the same time to have to also experience losing your memory, your control--how mind-blowing and excruciatingly painful--for yourself and your family! I can’t imagine the hell she’s suffering, only support, care, cry, observe, ponder, reflect, and pray--always pray. May God be merciful and grant my mother--my beautiful, brilliant, proud, accomplished, vibrant, giving, selfless, loving mother—peace, love, comfort, and meaningful time left with us and spare her the suffering and the torture of being trapped while feeling her body and mind break down.  Lord, please, hold, wrap, and keep her in Thine loving embrace, I'm begging....I pray they find a cure for cancer, and with each passing day my mom lives, I'm praying ...